To Describe Us in One Hundred Words
by Midori12
Summary: A twenty-two drabble collection for Stephen Colbert and Jon Stewart. - Daily Show/Colbert Report; some Stephen/Jon and "Stephen"/Jon; drabbles are based off of the words Nightmare, Kiss, Tramatic, Murder, Home, Holiday, Prank, Scars, Sketching, Warmth, Solace, Drink, Game, Love, Death, Hate, Seduce, Old, Song, Child, Poem and Insane


**Okay, so I saw a post about a series of 22 drabbles to write for on Tumblr and I knew I had to do it even though I've never written drabbles before. So here's my (attempt) entry for Stephen/Jon! I guess some "Stephen"/Jon, too, depending on interpretations. XD**

* * *

**To Describe Us in One Hundred Words**

**_Nightmare_**

"Stephen!" Jon was hanging off the edge of the cliff. I wasn't sure how he got there, but he was in trouble.

"Jon!" I ran as fast as I could, but I wasn't getting any closer to him. Why couldn't I reach him?

"Stepheeeeen!" suddenly I saw his hand disappear from the ledge and his voice echoed on his way down to inevitable death.

"NO, JOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!" I shouted with my eyes clenched shut. When I opened them, my dark ceiling was greeting me. I was drenched in sweat.

"Oh," I huffed and smiled in relief. "It was just a nightmare…"

* * *

**_Kiss_**

"Hey, Jon."

Jon was reading the newspaper with his feet kicked up on the desk in front of him. He was trying not to let Stephen distract him.

"Hey, Jon. Jon. Jooooooooon."

Jon's hand twitched as he slightly crumpled the paper.

"Jonathan Stuart Leibowitz."

"What?" Jon nearly threw down the paper in a fit of anger. "What the hell do you—?!"

Suddenly, a pair of soft lips was pressed to his own and was removed before he could even blink.

"W-what was that for?" Jon stuttered in a blush.

Stephen merely winked. "I love you."

Jon's anger diminished instantly.

* * *

**_Traumatic_**

Jon couldn't do anything. He had only sat in horror as he watched his best friend get hit by the car. Others had to rush to Stephen's aid because he could only stand frozen, not able to take in the fact that Stephen was an unmoving, bloody mess in front of him.

Jon visits Stephen at the hospital while the latter is in a comatose state. It has been four days. Jon isn't sure if he can take it anymore.

"Stephen, I'm sorry…" he whispers as he sits next to his unconscious friend and holds tightly onto his cold hand.

* * *

_**Murder**_

"Jon… I saw you and John Oliver the other day…"

Jon backed up against the wall. There was nowhere to go.

He wasn't getting out of this one.

"S-Stephen, I'm sorry…" Jon waved his hands. "I-it didn't mean anything!"

"Then why?" his voice was cold; it gave Jon goosebumps. He slowly approached the older man and was now touching his lips to Jon's cheek.

"Stephen, I don't love him! I'm in love with yo—!"

Jon paused as the knife entered his abdomen. Stephen smiled along Jon's cheek as blood exited the older man's mouth.

"I love you, too, Jon…"

* * *

_**Home**_

"Stephen, what the _fuck_?!"

Stephen rushed into the kitchen, panicking about the tone of his roommate. "What, Jon? What's wrong?"

Jon was standing next to the refrigerator with the door open, holding an empty carton of milk. Stephen tried to hold in his laughter.

"What the hell is this?" Jon demanded.

"Well, Jon, what does it look like?"

Jon's eyebrow twitched. He surely was not amused.

"Me kicking your ass, that's what!" Jon charged toward Stephen, the younger man running off. Jon threw the milk carton perfectly in front of Stephen, causing him to bash his face into the floor.

* * *

_**Holiday**_

"So…how is this going to work?" Stephen asked me while staring at his Christmas tree. I was holding onto my Menorah, not sure what to do with it.

"Um, I don't know," I said. "We could always celebrate _both _holidays."

"How the hell are we going to do that?" Stephen looked at me in confusion. "Yours lasts for eight days!"

"Yeah, but this year it's from the eighth to the sixteenth," I explained. "We'll celebrate mine during that time, then we'll celebrate Christmas on the twenty-fifth! Sound fair?"

Stephen scratched his cheek. "Okay, but I expect eight days of presents!"

* * *

_**Prank**_

"Hey, Stephen!"

Stephen perked up as he heard Jon's voice from outside his dressing room. He opened the door and, without looking down, was greeted by a skateboard.

"Whoa, _shit_!" Stephen slipped, causing him to bash into the wall behind him. A paint can was placed on the edge of a shelf above him and tipped over due to Stephen's crash. The red liquid inside splashed all over the poor man.

Stephen sat in horror, wondering how long it was going to take for the paint to come off when he heard Jon's distinct giggle down the hall.

"DAMMIT, JON!"

* * *

_**Scars**_

"H-hey, what's that?"

I glanced over at Stephen as I tried to fix the button on the cuff of my shirt.

"What is what?" I asked.

Stephen walked closer to me and lifted up my arm. He slid the sleeve slowly up my arm and revealed a small scar on my wrist. He gasped and I snatched my hand away.

"J-Jon?"

I lowered my head and rolled down my sleeve. "I-it was a long time ago…"

Stephen looked at me with sympathy before I spoke up.

"But once I met you, I stopped. It wasn't necessary anymore."

He smiled warmly.

* * *

_**Sketching**_

Stephen and Jon were bored, so to pass the time they sketched one another.

Jon kept making horrid faces at his drawing. Stephen was pretty monotonous, until he heard Jon grunt and anger.

"Jon, are you okay?" Stephen asked.

"Yeah…" Jon sighed. "Are you done?"

"Pretty much," Stephen showed Jon his drawing, which made Jon gasp.

"Wow, Stephen, I didn't know you were an artist," Jon blushed at the detailed drawing.

"Not really," Stephen chuckled. "Can I see yours?"

Jon turned over his picture. A simple stick figure with the word "Stephen" next to it. Stephen tried not to laugh.

* * *

**_Warmth_**

"W-why is it so c-cold outside?" Stephen shivered.

"Because it's December," I smarted.

"D-dammit, Jon…"

"You're the one who wanted to go to the park," I mentioned.

"Because SNOW!" Stephen shouted, throwing his arms up and marveling at the glorious snow on the ground. "But with it being s-so damn cold…"

"That's kinda how snow is created, Stephen…"

"F-FUCKING C-COLD!"

I unraveled a part of my scarf and wrapped the other end around Stephen's neck.

"W-what's this for?"

"Warmth, duh," I grabbed his shoulder and pulled him closer to me. "We'll stay warmer the closer we are."

He blushed. "T-thanks…"

* * *

**_Solace_**

Jon continued walking down the hall. He was tired beyond belief, but not only that. He had had a pretty bad day. It almost showed through in his performance on _The Daily Show_, but luckily he was able to pull through without anyone noticing.

He glanced up and was shocked to nearly run into Stephen.

"Stephen?" Jon raised an eyebrow. "What ar—ooph!" Stephen pulled him into an unsuspecting hug.

"I watched _The Daily Show, _Jon," he said. "You look like you really need a hug."

Of course, someone had noticed. But at least it was the person that mattered.

* * *

**_Drink_**

"J-Jon, man, you are _great_," Stephen slapped a hand onto my back.

"I know I am," I chuckled. I had had the same amount of beers as Stephen, but yet he was _plastered_. "And you're great, too."

"Of _course _I am! I'm Stephen motherfucking Colbert!"

"I thought your middle name was Tyrone?"

"What the _fuck_, Jon!" he looked at me like I was insane. "We've discussed this. My middle name is Of!"

"Of?"

"First name is United States and last name America! Get it right!"

I couldn't help but laugh hysterically. Next time, I would _definitely _have to record this.

* * *

_**Game**_

"What the _hell_ was that?!" Stephen hollered as Jon's blue Sorry! piece knocked away his red one.

"My piece kicking your ass!" Jon grinned. "Time to try again!"

Stephen glared at Jon's three pieces that had already made it home compared to his one. Two of his pieces were still back at start while only one was close to home base. Just three spaces…with Jon's last piece right behind him.

Stephen drew a card. "Dammit! A two!" he moved his piece two spaces. One more space…

Jon drew his card and smirked. "Five."

"Fuck this game!" Stephen flipped the board.

* * *

**_Love_**

I stared into his bright blue eyes and was fascinated. The way he moved, the way he presented himself, his humor… I wanted to know everything about him.

Having the privilege to work for him was beyond amazing. Getting to know him was even better. I gazed intently at the way smiled and felt even more rewarded when I knew it was directed at me. Nothing in the world could ever make my heart beat as much, and even stop as much, as when I'm with him.

And the first time in my life, I discovered what true love was.

* * *

**_Death_**

Jon stood over the grave and tried to hold back tears. It was still impossible to think that his best friend was really gone. For good. They had always joked that Jon would be the first one to go since he was older (which didn't mean anything, Jon would always retort at the end). He was actually sad that it wasn't him that had gone first, but he knew that Stephen probably would have taken his death a lot harder.

"I love you, buddy," he set the flowers on the grave and let the tears slowly stream down his cheeks.

* * *

**_Hate_**

"Why the hell are we even friends?" Stephen shouted. He was gritting his teeth in anger.

"What the hell are you so pissed off about?" Jon yelled back.

"You're just replacing me with John Oliver!" Stephen clenched his fists.

"Oh, because I definitely didn't care about you enough to give you your own _show_," Jon crossed his arms. Stephen didn't have a comeback for that.

"W-well," Stephen breathed. "I…I _hate _you!" Stephen began to storm out of the room.

"Well, I still care about you very much, Stephen," Jon said. Stephen paused for a moment before running off in tears.

* * *

**_Seduce_**

"Stephen, I'm busy right now," Jon said while watching TV. Stephen has been pestering him for whatever reason, but Jon decided to ignore him.

Suddenly, Stephen came up to him and sat on Jon's lap. He grabbed Jon's face and kissed him passionately. Jon's heart skipped a beat. He tried to push him off but suddenly melted into the kiss, ignoring the fact that his best friend was making out with him for no reason. Stephen finally broke the kiss.

"Stephen, what the _fuck_?!" Jon gasped.

"Will you pay attention to me now?"

What a way to get his attention.

* * *

**_Old_**

"Stephen?"

"Yes, Jon?"

"…I just turned fifty the other day."

Stephen didn't even hesitate as he pulled out his iPhone. "And that means what, Jon…?"

"I'm getting old, Stephen. I mean, I don't look anything like I did ten years ago…" he glanced at the younger man. "What are you doing?"

Stephen shoved the phone in Jon's face. He stared at it in confusion.

"Stephen, what is this?"

"It's called the Internet, Jon."

Jon spotted a few comments on the message board of people gushing over how he was still hot even while turning fifty.

"…W-what…?"

"So shut up, Jon."

* * *

**_Song_**

"Jon! I wrote you a song!" Stephen burst into the room waving a paper around.

"Um, okay?" Jon raised his eyebrow in confusion. "That was random."

"I'm going to sing it, ready?" Stephen didn't give him a chance to answer.

"_Jonathan Stuart Leibowitz…_" he began in that sultry voice of his before abruptly stopping. He smiled at Jon. The older man frowned.

"That's it?" Jon made a face.

"Well, no…" Stephen scratched his head. "I didn't say it was _finished_."

"Well when are you going to finish it?" Jon asked.

"When I find something that rhymes with Leibowitz."

Jon facepalmed.

* * *

_**Child**_

The four-year-old boy gazed at Stephen and I. We were assigned to baby-sit him, but…

"What…do we do?" Stephen stared at the child and looked at him like he was a foreign object.

"I don't know," I watched the child yawn, then open his mouth.

"I'm hungry."

Stephen and I both jumped back. We both thought he was about to sneeze.

"Oh…" Stephen huffed in relief. "He's only hungry."

"What…what do we feed him?"

I shrugged. "Probably food."

"Yeah," Stephen nodded, "that's probably a good idea."

The child twitched his nose, then suddenly sneezed. "Achoo!"

"WHOA!"

"I WASN'T PREPARED, GROSS!"

* * *

**_Poem_**

Jon paused as he spotted a piece of paper on Stephen's desk.

"I wonder what this is?" Jon's curiosity got the best of him as he picked it up.

_Roses are red, _

_Violets are, well, violet (not blue, contrary to popular belief. This is also not part of the poem),_

_I really love you a lot, Jon_

_And…I can't think of anything that rhymes with violet, so fuck it_

_Stephen_

Jon nearly burst out laughing, but paused when he reread the third line. He blushed and giggled like a child.

"I should write him one back…but I suck at rhyming…"

* * *

_**Insane**_

"Hi, Jon!" Stephen waves to me as I walk into the room.

"Stephen, this isn't a funhouse, it's an _asylum_," I attempt to explain to him for the fortieth time. "Are you still convinced your reflection talks to you?"

"Jon, I've been trying to show the other doctors, but they won't listen!" Stephen frowns. I sigh and pull a handheld mirror out of my pocket.

"Here, show me then," I hand him the mirror.

"Yay!" he cheers like a child. "Say hi to Jon, Reflection!"

"Hello, Jon Stewart, nice to meet you."

Stephen's mouth never moved. But the reflection's did.

* * *

**Finally done! Wow, that was harder than I thought, but I finished it! Yay! I'm so proud. :3**

**Drabbles are harder than they look. I had to make sure all of them were 100 words exactly without wanting to rant. HARD. But it was worth it. :)**

**~Midori**

**P.S. Was it bad that Seduce was the last one I wrote, because I had no idea what to write for it? O.o**


End file.
